Man Law

Some of these Man Laws are from Face Book, By the Author of this site, Wikipedia and the Miller Council. For some men it is seen as a sign of deep knowledge to have the exact numerical value of the man laws memorized. This is only true if all men are looking at the same man law. Thus as long as a man has a reasonable grasp of the fundamentals he has achieved man status and is no longer considered a boy. The ability to recite the exact numerical value of the law in question equates a manly man. There are many potential man laws, though if all common sense man laws where listed then living would become overly restrictive and unmanly. There are men and women that claim that certain rules are part of man law (when in fact such assertions are untrue), these people are generally sissy's and or morons, simply ask the smart ass where such rules and laws are written. A man is only truly considered a man once he has knowledge of man laws. Thus past discretions are forgiven when the man was a boy or youth.

2. It has been made official that under no circumstances should the male have to pay for birth control. Unless the women in question is basically poor.

3. Upon marriage a man is under no obligation to remove his high school female friends from a social internet network. If a wife demands that he remove his un close female friends it maybe debated. But if he does, she has to remove her unclose male friends. She should be aware of his social situation and his sexual behavior before she marry’s though if she is concerned about a particular friend then a coin toss is expectable.
Other expectable decision games (p)
Thumb War
Pool game
Staring contest

6. A good man will cheerfully and promptly comply with all reasonable requests made by a loving or attractive women, when it can be done, without substantial loss, or great effort. If she is arrogant or snobbish he may reconsider his actions if helping her will not lead to sex or beer.

7. If two or more males arrived at a party by a single car, and the driving male is hooking up with a female, it is the responsibility of the other males to find other ways home. The passengers should relies that he is searching for love and or just getting his whistle wet and never make an official complaint, except in unique situations where such actions affect the groups reputation (ugly). (The exception to this law is if the driver is hooking up with his own girlfriend, the law is then void and the driver still holds full responsibility of driving his friend’s home)

8. Short shorts have been banned… Unless in a participating in a sporting event that demands shorter shorts. Also no real man should be allowed to pop his collar. Meaning it is friends responsibility to un pop his collar if they are friends.

9. Holding an umbrella for another man is acceptable if it is a down pour, though we should all remind friends that a prepared man is a good man.

10. Professional Athlete, movie star or people associated with mass media are deserving of automatic friend status. Unless the Man in question is discovered to wear tight pink shirts or willfully violate the man laws, with full knowledge of his violation.

11. A man may not leave his fellow man for a women, unless she is deemed attractive enough by close friends to warrant such activity. If they are true friends then secretly they will want the their friend to find a proper and good lover.

12. Every man shall allow one empty urinal of separation in a bathroom with three or more urinals.

13. If a girl and a guy are not officially dating then it can't be considered cheating. However...if the guy cheats with a girl that is less attractive to the one he is originally interested in then he is either... A) Drunk or B) Dumbass. This then gives the original girl the right to either get mad or laugh at you.

14. No man should ever steal another person's alcohol... If he does so, then some form of penitence is required or he receives a beating. If he is too large for a beating or a beating is deemed out of group character, then he may become the butt of jokes.

15. When bringing condoms to a party it is a man's responsibility to pack two in his pockets and one in his car as a spare incase a friend is in desperate need.

16. No heavy fornication in a friend's bed. Or just wash the sheets. If done then a case of beer should be immediately purchased for bed owner.

17. No man shall every use a bag that is deemed sissish, or un appropriate for a particular activity. If he does so then his man statues takes a hit. Ex. Florissant Pink

18. If another man's fly is down, you didn't see anything and may not make a comment about it. Unless he is a friend and going to hurt your game.

19. When a man is borrowing a friends tool or other equipment, if the borrower puts any scratches or brings it back with any noticeable wear, then he is required to do one of the following: If the item costs under 50 bucks, you are required to replace it. If the item costs over 50 bucks, you are required to give him a case of beer of his choice, because hey... tools and equipment are designed for hard work, thus your friend should have considered the probability of a few scratches.

20. When your friend picks up a hot girl...however the hot girl has a female friend...it is only correct for you to get to know the female friend and entertain her. As men, we are obligated to sacrifice and pay it forward, for each other knowing that the favor will one day be replayed.

21. When calling shotgun, all riders of the car must be outside, and shotgun can only be called when the car is in view. Riders in the car are not allowed to run to shotgun and steal it before the person who called and deserves it arrives there. The driver of the car has no authority to decide on who gets shotgun. If a legitimate confrontation comes up where the rightful owner of the shotgun can not be determined then it will be decided by one round of paper rock scissors (with no shoot). If the two contenders tie 5 times in a row then the rightful owner of the shotgun is to be decided by a UFC cage match in that the first blood drawn decides the rightful owner of shotgun.

Addendum to Man Law No. 21:If at any point during the process of determining the shotgun rider a hot girl hints that she would like to sit up front the driver has the sole right to declare her the shotgun rider and depending upon the situation may even deny rides to all other passengers. However, if the hot girl is an ex of any passenger they may overrule the driver's decision and make her ride in the back.Additionally, if all passengers happen to be female and they are arguing about who gets shotgun then the argument should be settled with a mud wrestling, grappling match or sensual touching match. Though paper, rock, scissors is expectable if the other three options don’t develop.

23. If a man doesn’t like drinking then using some other beverage that looks like he is drinking is expectable and encouraged. If he chooses to walk around at a party with a glass of water his man status may take a hit.

24. If a man choosen not to drink anything and is at a party with friends. Then either A) He is the driver B) Trying to impress a women C) Is starting to become a Sissy. His friends should correct the mistake, if a mistake has been made.

25. A man should not masturbate more than 3 times in a day to insure being ready for any unknown or known late night action. Assisting Girls does not count….

26. A man shall never wear any article of women's clothing (I.E … Girls Jeans/Pants!) unless they are the loser of such a bet… or if a man is figuratively in a girls pants… (Or any other article of clothing).

27. No man in any circumstance, unless mocking a violator of this law, should pop his collar.

28. A man should never be denied the right to adjust himself or place his hands down his pants when at home.

29. Being a Pirate should be considered a Manly job because pirates get two types of booty. Though this is done strictly for humor, for we all know pirates eventually get scurvy, plus if a true man would never steel a beer why would he steel treasure?

30. All men should eat meat or some meat product. If not borderline carnivore. For no reason should a man ever be a vegetarian, or eat sick shit like tofu. Unless he is a spiritual seeker. Also no man should consume any food with the terms "diet", "fat free", or any other healthy suggesting terms for the sake of "watching his weight" or dieting. Unless he is a professional MMA fighter or involved in some other sport that requires strict weight control.

31. Every man should strive to learn some form of gambling before he dies.

32. If a man ever does something wrong a simple "OOPS", "My Bad", or any variations of cuss words that gets the point across will suffice, no need to say "I'm Sorry"

33. No man should ever hook up with a friend's girl, no matter how hot she is, unless he wants him to. This is in effect while they are dating or "together." If they are separated refer to Law 4 for the proper way to handle the situation. Why would a friend screw a friends women? Considering no friend shall ever data an Ex for 6 months! Do I need to explain more? (this rule differs with facebook, substantially)

34. under no circumstance should any man cockblock another mans attempt at getting some tang, unless the tang in question is a she male or has STD's. Let’s just leave cockblocking up to the tangs fat friend. Please note that cockblocking will result in a suspension of your Man status and its privileges, and will result in the title Manbitch.

35. All men should have some degree of knowledge of current popular sports within the current society that you happen to be in. The ability to play, knowledge of the players, or teams is a sign of manly wisdom. Lack of knowledge after a given period of time leads to a reduction in man status and the possible label of a fag.

36. Under no circumstances shall any man lay a hand on a female or a child in violence. Unless she is a trained assassin then, in most cases running is the better option. Spanking of a woman's ass or pulling of the hair is permitted if done on request. Corporal punishment is permitted excluding obvious extremes. Punishment for the attacking male is that if other men see the assault taking place they have the right to take him out back behind a building and show him how to fight with real men. In this situation more than one man may be used in the attacking of said woman beater because he clearly doesn’t mind an unfair fight seeing as he was hitting a women or a child to begin with. A call to the police is a very last resort and should only be used if the male in question is over 6' 5" 250lb. or a cage fighter. A kick to the crotch is only called for in cases of rape. If it is merely a guy beating a woman, defenseless child, or elderly people then a legitimate beating is called for (if witnessed in person). But no shots to the crotch, if he is a skilled opponent or drawing a weapon then using of weapons like rocks or sticks his highly expectable to only damage the individual, inflicting death isn‘t proper unless given no other choice. If it is a case of rape however, multiple shots to the crotch are called for. The punishment must fit the crime and since rape is using that area of the body, it is ok to inflict damage to it (Cameron Ross, Nick Polyzos, Kristina Brockmann, and Drew Westerfield).

37. No man shall ever watch over five minutes of a soap opera ever, if he does it must be only done to remind him how much more manly other forms of entertainment are! Period! If this law is broken, it will result in the lowering of status from man to Manbitch and the questioning of the liking of opposite gendered relationships.

38. In the court of Man Law the statement "I was Drunk" will have the same effect as an insanity plea (reduced punishment) in standard court provided the defendant's blood alcohol level exceeds the legal limit to drive at the time of the incident. The blood alcohol level assessment must be determined by friends that can attest to the fellow mans intake unless a breathalyzer is used. If it is determined that the man in question was in fact not legally drunk at the time of the incident then he should be pelted with eggs or some other form of physical punishment for minor offenses with no lose of title. If the offense is severe, such as trying to kiss a friends girl friend, then it is acceptable to reduce his title to manbitch or boy even if he was under the influence. Though he has to have knowledge that the female in question is in fact his friends girl friend and not merely the town pump.

39. If any male is caught violating a Man Law in serious context, as a form of punishment he should be disowned of his manly name, only to receive the title of "Manbitch" from his peers and colleagues. Forgiveness is pending the severity of the broken law...or a case of beer to all his offended peers as a token of respect to what is manly...and what is not.

40. Any man that is old enough and is not in the army should at least support the troops and don’t blame them for fighting because generally speaking it is their job. Though a man or none man, may debate the usefulness and properness of an armed conflict. Disliking politicians and the system is one thing, disliking the soldiers for fighting an un popular war is very un manly.

43. Always strive to avoid conversations at the urinal. Though if a conversation is unavoidable then keep the topics to sports, alcohol, music or Play Boy. Keep the chatter to the minimum.

44. A man will not live in his parent’s house past the age of 27, unless there is war or the economy is less then it once was. (depression or deep recession).

45. All men have the right to remain silent when asked by a woman "do you like this". And the right to leave the room.

46. Sex is more important then talking at times.

47. No man under any circumstance shall use lip balm.

48. Grilling regardless of weather is always the first choice for cooking.

49. Men will invite other men to Man Law.

50. No man shall ever turn down free beer because "it’s not their brand."

51. If a fellow man drinks so much that he defecates within his undergarments. It is proper for the mans immediate friends to make fun of him for a short period of time (next day). Such jokes as “That had to be Crappy” or “I heard you had a shitty evening” is appropriate. As punishment for his embarrassing lack of self control. Strive to avoid talking about the incident, weeks and months after, thus protecting the dignity of the individual and friend. If you choose to talk about the situation in the far future, do not use the individuals name or desribe him in anyway.

50. It is acceptable for a man to publicly situate and/or scratch himself in the region of the gonads. If at a formal conference, then do so discretely. If at a football party, scratch away, just no handshakes.

51. The morning after; if a beer has been left on the table, no matter the temperature, it is acceptable to consume this item with food, especially with its counterpart, cold pizza.

52. If you spill a man’s beer, you buy the next round/refill the cup.

53. Nursing a beer is unacceptable at a party. The bottle/can/cup should never reach lukewarm temperature with beer still in it. If you can’t drink it in said time, don’t open it. If you cant drink it in said time, your man status will be up for review. Exceptions to the nursing of beer rule is, if the man in question is the driver.

54. Always accept beer from a stranger, exercise caution if the beer is unopened/capped.

55. It is never a man’s responsibility to empty the trash while drinking. Beer cans may be stacked or crushed, both bottles and cans should be given to local hobo’s and street people or saved up to provide a future party with alcohol. If the neighbors phoned the police, and the party was considered by all involved, to be relatively quite, it is permissible to dump a large percentage of bottles in the offending neighbors yard. Just because a neighbor isn’t invited doesn’t give that neighbor the right to complain if the decibel level of the party is considered reasonable by all responsible individuals attending. Besides, if they are good neighbors, they would put in ear plugs.

56. A man does not have to like another man to drink his beer. Beer is beer.

57. It is acceptable for a man to break man laws, as long as other men agree that such actions where called for.

58. No man may ever sell a beer to a close friend. It’s understood that close friends will repay beer with beer later. Under no circumstance may the replacement beer be of a lesser quality.

59. No man shall dance for fun unless it’s to increase his chances with a member of the opposite sex.

60. Body paint is only acceptable on a man if it’s on game day and to support his team. Or as a professional military application.

61. No man shall bring a woman to the guy’s night out. this is punishable by verbal abuse for life. Unless he has never read man laws. Then it is the responsibility of his friends to point him in the correct direction.

62. If a few men sweat profusely when engaging in a physical activity, then it is considered a sport. Exceptions to this rule is ice diving for beer or to increase manly status while submerging entire self into fidget cold water.

63. If a large snake catches a man off guard and bites, the man is allowed to scream only if it is known that poisones snakes occupy the area. A yell in horror is preferable. If you cry all man titles are abolished.

64. No man shall never wear a beret unless it’s for his military service. Trying it on is acceptable, though do your best to keep such activities covert (your eyes only).

65. When lifting weights, it is acceptable for a man to wear compression shorts under the regular shorts. No man shall ever wear compression shorts alone.

66. Spandex and other tight fitting athletic apparel is only manly if worn strictly for the athletic event or activity. If worn out of context then the man may receive the title of queer.

67. No two men are allowed to enter a revolving door together. Unless it involves a race were the winner receives a combination of the following: beer, food or sex.

68. The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want" gets a sophisticated video game console (Xbox, Playstation, Wii). Though the man should keep in mind that such actions could severely damage the relationship.

70. Wives and girlfriends may not store items other than beer in the garage fridge. It is for beer only. Unless a storm or some other natural disaster is in the forecast.

71. A man may publicly rebuke another man only if the first man has the man law and number memorized. Otherwise the rebuke must be in private. Furthermore, any man who has the man laws memorized will be deemed a "higher" man. Though the group of men need to agree what version of man law is most applicable.

72. In no situation is it acceptable to sit cross-kneed and move your leg like you have a pussy and giving it pleasure. No man should sit cross legged period. To do as such results in a less manly status.

73. Men are allowed to lick the plate when done but only when alone or with other men.

74. A man should be able to determine a diesel engine by sound and or have an advanced comprehension of Man Laws.

75. While smiling, no man shall stick his tongue between his teeth.

76. It should be understood that while, yes, cheerleading isn't a sport for men, and it is still perfectly accepted to watch, especially if its all women. Though cheerleading is considered a sport for women, for men, usually its considered an activity to get closer to women thus isn't considered sport for men.

77. If a man is punched, and the hit is rubbed, he is punched again in the same area twice.

78. A man should be able to lucidly explain the basic rules of one or more of the following sports: Football, Baseball, Lacrosse, MMA, Ice Hockey or any other manly sport.

79. The dressing of any pet for any reason is not acceptable...any garment that is not a part of the animal shall not be allowed to be attached to that animal...exceptions are collars, Snow jackets because of extreme cold, leashes, etc. exception to this rule is monkeys.

80. Under no circumstances shall any man drink wine cooler...ever...unless beer or liquor is completely unattainable. This includes anything (non liquor) fruit flavored that comes in a bottle.

81. Under no circumstances shall a man ever defer control of the television remote to a female. Request should be made but the controller is his…. Especially if he purchase the big screen TV. If she is the one that purchase the TV then the topic is up for rational debate. Though she should relies that when friends are over it is best for his manly status if he controls the controller. A loving girlfriend or wife would relies this.

82. There are three reasons that a man is allowed to cry about.
1. He is hit in the genitals with anything traveling over 10mph.
2. Your date is using her teeth.
3. An extremely attractive well known women gets married.

83. When watching a "catfight" it is perfectly acceptable to choose sides. It is also perfectly acceptable to pray for rippage of clothing and sensual touching.

84. When in a public shower, no man will look below the shoulders. Also, no eye-to-eye contact for more than one second is allowed. If eye contact occurs, nod upwards, and look away.

85. No man under any circumstances should have to explain the use of a power tool to another man.

86. Never should man give a woman the credit card.

87. No man should talk on a telephone to a girl longer than he will have sex with her.

88. Every man should smoke at least one premium cigar in his life. Not any swisher sweet crap either. Cohiba, Monicristo, CAO (Cade Mayo).

89. No man shall ever read an instruction manual if the item in question isn‘t dangerous. If the man does not know how to use the item trial and error shall be used until the correct function is determined. Unless he doesn’t’ want to waste time because he has beer drinking to do.

90. No man shall be held accountable for any promise he makes while drunk unless it was a bet. (Boots Jones)

91. When questioned by a friend's girlfriend, you need not and should not provide any information as to his whereabouts. You are even permitted to deny his very existence.

92. Unless he murdered someone in your immediate family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 24 hours. If the funds are available.

93. A best man's toast may not include any of the following phrases, "down in Tijuana", "one time when we were all piss drunk", "and this girl had the biggest rack you ever saw“.

94. You may exaggerate any details about your self up to a point without recrimination, beyond that anyone within earshot is allowed to yell out "bullshit!" lying to a women to get laid, is only expectable if she is ugly and could use a good lay.

95. The minimum amount of time you have to wait for another man is 5 minutes. The maximum is 6 minutes. For a girl, you may wait up to 10 minutes for every point of hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 scale.

96. Bitching about the brand of free beverages in your buddy's refrigerator is forbidden. But gripe at will if the temperature is not suitable.

97. A true friend must be permitted to borrow anything you own - grill, car, firstborn child - within 12 hr notice. Women or anything considered "lucky" are not applicable in this case.

98. Falling on a grenade for a buddy (agreeing to distract the skanky friend of the hot babe he's trying to score) is your legal duty. But should you get carried away with your good deed and end up getting on the beast, your pal is forbidden to ever speak of it.

99. Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to pick a Buffalo wing clean.

100. No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. (Though if the individual in question is a good friend then some sort of festivity should take place)

101. You must offer heartfelt condolences over the death of a girlfriend’s pet. If a fellow mans pet dies, it is permissible to shot gun some beers and find some sort of enjoyable activity after burial.

102. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may always ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask whose playing. You should know such things.

103. If your girlfriend asks to set your friend up with her ugly, whiny, loser friend of hers, you must grant permission, but only if you have ample time to warn your friend to prepare his excuse about joining the priesthood.

104. When picking players for sports teams it is permissible to skip over your buddy in favor of better athletes- as long as you don’t let him be the last sorry son of a bitch standing on the sideline.

105. Never join your girlfriend in ragging on a friend of yours... unless she is withholding sex, pending your response.

106. You can not rat out a friend who show's up to work or class with a massive hangover, however you may: hide the aspirin, smear his chair with limburger cheese, turn the brightness on his computer way down so he thinks its broken, or have him paged every seven minutes.

107. The morning after you and a babe, who was formerly "just a friend", go at it, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason not to jump on her again before there is a discussion about what a big mistake it was.

108. Everybody is Irish on St. Patricks Day. And as such said people must consume alcohol on St. Patricks Day. Preferably beer that has some sort of green coloring in it.

109.When passing another man in a tight area were contact is possible, hole to hole or pole to pole is only acceptable. If it is pole to pole no eye contact should be made. If any detour from this is spotted by any onlooking men, possible labels such as "Fag" may be deamed necessary. Resulting immediate demotion in man status. (Cody Miller)

110. If any man is caught in the act of fornification on video tape, friend or not...no permission is needed to share the video, remember "sharing is caring" see law 69.(Dusty McDaniel)

111. It is only acceptable to complain of a sports injury if it will get you pity sex. Never in front of other men.

112. No Man Should Compliment Another Man On His Physical Looks Or Attire.

113. No man shall ever hold his nose while jumping into any body of water. Reduction in status if this rule is violated and friends should recommend to either A) Avoid jumping into water. B) Endure it and man up.